Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
