There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
