She is in my trunk
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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