I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
