i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
