every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
