Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Holy shit dude........stairs
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
