Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
