I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
