just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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