Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
