God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Edward fifth and chaser hands
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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