when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
