Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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