And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
