Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
