Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
so much tequila, so little girl.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
