no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize