New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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