Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize