so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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