If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
