remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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