y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Randomize
