Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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