my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
