oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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