Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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