I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
