So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
