Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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