Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
