Just fell off a train. Bad.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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