Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
