I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
