remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
