I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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