Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
