Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
