Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
