Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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