3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
