shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize