dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
