Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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