A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
