My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
