I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
