i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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