I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
