Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
