I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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