So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
