When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
