Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He better not be in your backpack
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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