Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize