After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize