Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
