i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
