i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize