If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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