Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
