You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
