Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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