I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm too high and old for this...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
