You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
