Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
