stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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