He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
