I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
