im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize