You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
