oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
