I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize