all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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