My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
