almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
