Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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