i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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