He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
