i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
