Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she pinky promised me she was 18
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
