we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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