I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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