Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
