It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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