I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
