you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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