Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
