Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
