Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize