just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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