I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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