so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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