I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I have aggressive nipples.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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