Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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