My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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