I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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