They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
