I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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