that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
