if you like me you must not know who I am
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
