the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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