Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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