you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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