just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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