If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
