kristin has been a bad kristin
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
