DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dignity is for republicans.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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