Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
