Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
