Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Sext me about skeletons
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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