Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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