i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
