weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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