I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There r osticjed everywhere
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
