i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
