Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
