it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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