I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
