So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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