I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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