omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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