Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Quick, to the slutcave!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
